eber, i will respond, whether you were serious or not. i need to know what christian hedonism means before i disagree. i have an inkling of what i think it is - “God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him” — is that close enough? I think that statement taken alone is horribly wrong. again, i’d have to find a much longer thing to understand piper’s views. but, another example of where the beauty of the language gives the words a whisper of authority.
how am i doing? excited! - a lot of big things are coming, most importantly the second coming… which means a lot of things - prepare, worship, enjoy, celebrate, suffer. but if i were writing a diary, i would say - the thought of being in a relationship has steadily corroded my self-image. i know i have a lot of problems. let me list them for you here: i say what i want to say regardless of what the other person is going through (sometimes turns into complete selfishness); i get mad - not easily, but randomly… and then i become idiotic; i have mixed, contradictory values - i love jesus most, but i love myself more: i spend less time thinking about the glory of God than i do on thinking about future (not to say that measurement of time can really show which is more important one’s life, just saying that what seems to overflow out of my heart and lips isn’t Christ on daily basis); i am a reluctant leader; i am lazy (sleep is so precious to me — i missed 1/2 of accountability recently because i slept in); i am not a good son or brother - i choose myself and my fun over serving my family, loving my family by being with my family— i hope you get the point (or shall i continue?)
i have never been this stressed out about school. or at least i don’t remember. i had multiple dreams before school started, i feel semi panicked/rushed even now (2nd day of classes?) - so it’s a weird feeling. i’ve also never taken this course load + work + hoping for research. i guess this is finally where we see if i will be pushed in school. (last semester was kind of hard… but it lasted the first 5 weeks then got really not as hard)
i like the girl.
weird for the first time trying to really limit talking to girls so i don’t feel manwhorish. cries - it’s all ive ever known!…
one thing i can return to: “EVERLASTING YOUR LIGHT WILL SHINE WHEN ELSE ALL FADES NEVER ENDING YOUR GLORY GOES BEYOND ALL FAME”
i brought my car up - cheeseboard once a week? if i will work harder than i ever have this semester, i might as well eat cheeseboard. trying to focus less on future and just finishing every day inspired.
that is about as good as an update i could give on the thoughts and stuffs going on.
in previous times, i would see christian posts and get annoyed and think about 40 different reasons why it was wrong. now, i get tired and just… move along. i don’t know if it’s because im growing up and being less judgmental or less combative or if i’m getting to the point where i feel like it’s a lost cause… and i am certainly to lazy to wrestle with my own mind and figure it out. i’d rather do discrete math…
time to read :)
