a lot of people keep asking me why i dress differently. i have some reasons, and i shared with some people. but maybe i’m making them up as i go - justifying myself, rather than explaining myself. nonetheless, who cares why. but i have learned a lot. so here is what i learned, in long journal anti-blogging (quick and easy, but i never learn).
since last tuesday, which is when i started dressing differently, i think i have not dressed nicer one day. every day that i did, somebody has said something to me about how i look (that’s 7 days). although i didn’t keep count, i know for a fact that i had more conversations about how i dressed than how my relationship or how the other person’s relationship with Christ is. i’d give a conservative ratio - 10:1. what did this teach me. more than ever, i notice how i dress. i spend more time than ever thinking of what to wear. a lot of this i think has to do with people’s expectations i now want to meet. in other words, people’s expectations are keeping me accountable.
sort of like the way that we ought to keep one another accountable in our walks. like we are supposed to daily remind one another how to live, not necessarily by keeping a checklist for one another, but forcing one another to think about who we are in Christ and how we live that identity out.
to sum up that point, i just want to say the unseen is eternal. i have some new clothes - and they will turn old. but the unseen is eternal.
dressing differently puts you in a different mindset. i feel a lot more uncomfortable. jeans + tucked in shirt + hair + shoes has been all i’m doing, but still uncomfortable. a little bit of effort makes a huge difference. a little discomfort can make a huge difference. an extra smile here, an extra hi there. people have concrete goals. i want an abstract goal - always push myself to be uncomfortable. that way, when deeds become habit, i can outgrow the habit to take on the likeness of Christ in every way. (dressing nicely and this aren’t related, but whatever.)
last thing — i am starting more and more to notice a trend - i’ve written this earlier —> i don’t like doing what is expected of me, unless i thought of it first. i don’t mind continue to dress up because that was my decision. but let’s say i start liking a girl - people start expecting me to change how i dress (example). i don’t like that - i’d probably dress even more bummish and be an idiot about it. i should make some goals —
maybe after this “season” (that word is such a cliche, i almost feel sinful for using that word), i’ll go into extreme bum mode like pastor oh did, just to make sure i know where my heart is. it’s really easy to get sucked into other people’s expectations. have a different perspective on guys/girls struggling with self-image. caring about how you look kind of sucks. there’s a lot of freedom in struggling for the inward beauty, where only you and Christ know the depths.
i made a lot of huge generalizations. don’t crucify me on subtle points, but if you want to go ahead. i’ll try my best to carefully respond.
clothe me in Your Light, Your Armor, and Your Truth. clothe me in You first and foremost, that every garment on me may remind me of You. so hard though so sinful though — carry me carrying Your NAME.
