http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vqDSemdyKG0&feature=related

the prayer that starts around 6 25:
“yeah we’re going to sing it in just a moment but lets pray it over the nations. so just as loud as we’re singing, let’s just lift up a voice for the peoples of the earth. i think pretty much everyone in the house tonight has a nation on your heart. a peolpe in your heart and if you dont you need one. and i just want to lift up our prayers for the peoples all around this earth those who know JEsus who are walking beside us from whatever place city village town there in tonight worshipping Jesus in the native language of their heart but for the billions  of others who have never heard the name of Jesus before. who don’t even know there is something called the cross who dont even know there is grace enough to raise them from the dead. lets pray for them right now…
let us be the voice to all thenations. let us be that voice. let us be that voice.”

i think i need a nice time of self evaluation/goal reiteration/stuff like that. financial econ.

eber, i will respond, whether you were serious or not. i need to know what christian hedonism means before i disagree. i have an inkling of what i think it is - “God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him” — is that close enough? I think that statement taken alone is horribly wrong. again, i’d have to find a much longer thing to understand piper’s views. but, another example of where the beauty of the language gives the words a whisper of authority.

how am i doing? excited! - a lot of big things are coming, most importantly the second coming… which means a lot of things - prepare, worship, enjoy, celebrate, suffer. but if i were writing a diary, i would say - the thought of being in a relationship has steadily corroded my self-image. i know i have a lot of problems. let me list them for you here: i say what i want to say regardless of what the other person is going through (sometimes turns into complete selfishness); i get mad - not easily, but randomly… and then i become idiotic; i have mixed, contradictory values - i love jesus most, but i love myself more: i spend less time thinking about the glory of God than i do on thinking about future (not to say that measurement of time can really show which is more important one’s life, just saying that what seems to overflow out of my heart and lips isn’t Christ on daily basis); i am a reluctant leader; i am lazy (sleep is so precious to me — i missed 1/2 of accountability recently because i slept in); i am not a good son or brother - i choose myself and my fun over serving my family, loving my family by being with my family— i hope you get the point (or shall i continue?)

i have never been this stressed out about school. or at least i don’t remember. i had multiple dreams before school started, i feel semi panicked/rushed even now (2nd day of classes?) - so it’s a weird feeling. i’ve also never taken this course load + work + hoping for research. i guess this is finally where we see if i will be pushed in school. (last semester was kind of hard… but it lasted the first 5 weeks then got really not as hard)

i like the girl.

weird for the first time trying to really limit talking to girls so i don’t feel manwhorish. cries - it’s all ive ever known!…

one thing i can return to: “EVERLASTING YOUR LIGHT WILL SHINE WHEN ELSE ALL FADES NEVER ENDING YOUR GLORY GOES BEYOND ALL FAME”

i brought my car up - cheeseboard once a week? if i will work harder than i ever have this semester, i might as well eat cheeseboard. trying to focus less on future and just finishing every day inspired. 

that is about as good as an update i could give on the thoughts and stuffs going on.

in previous times, i would see christian posts and get annoyed and think about 40 different reasons why it was wrong. now, i get tired and just… move along. i don’t know if it’s because im growing up and being less judgmental or less combative or if i’m getting to the point where i feel like it’s a lost cause… and i am certainly to lazy to wrestle with my own mind and figure it out. i’d rather do discrete math…

time to read :)

probably don’t write here as much cause i am lazy and don’t care to.

i want to start a poetry section - reflections on a twisted mirror.

haven’t done an epic poetry section since “the smiles of yesterday have passed today by” so i am pretty excited. 

do i need to update any thing about my life? a lot of math, a lot of studying, a lot of stressing, a lot of holy points to get, a lot on my plate.

i am growing soft - a quiet tongue is nice though outbursts im sure will be struggles i have.

the wisdom of the earth is rotten honey.

every time i want to write a serious post, i just think - who cares? will you, reader, care? then let’s eat a meal together. unless YOU happen to be a girl, then… a meal together might not be the best idea. haha. maturing isn’t as fun, but it’s more rewarding. more maturity, less “fun”, more eternal reward, less reaping of rotten fruits in overfarmed fields and more sowing of good seed. i wasn’t called to have the time of my life and peace out. 

i haven’t thought out the last few sentences, but seems almost immediately to pit me against christian hedonists aka john piper and his followers. disagree? i will attempt to muster up enough “i care enough to talk to you” points to say, let’s talk :) — until then, good afternight good evening and good night!

i am bored a little out of my mind. so i decided to write and music. i have 7 songs on youtube open, and i will listen to all of them one by one, and either find more music or go to sleep. 

i am a wreck and a failure. aren’t we all?  was going to write poetry but hopeless i want to blah.

will i be pushed to survival? ever? blessed.

this song reminds me of passion and how i degraded the song.

i remember hearing this when the album first came out and immediately skipping it. the song “sounded” too weird. but after going through so many songs to remember the freedom of my soul, i thought i’d listen to it.

i love songs that have eternity + shore + home. 

when death takes me down
and i breathe here no more
my anthem will sound
on that eternal shore

so of course i had to meditate to “you’re beautiful”

 *you bled and you died and rose again for me
now you are sitting on your heavenly throne
and soon we will be coming home. 

when we arrive at eternity’s shore
where death is a memory
and tears are no more
we’ll enter in
as the wedding bells ring
you’re bride will come together
and we’ll sing
you’re beautiful.

we’ll probably sing you’re holy. holy seems to be the best word we have to describe God - just different. a girl can be beautiful. creation can be beautiful. God is something else, on a whole different scale. or that’s what i imagine.

what about eternity’s shore and home hits me like poetry?

first, the easier one: home. i still remember sleeping over and being homesick and having to go home late. homesick. that crappy feeling i have, “what am i doing, why am i here, for whom do i live, etc. etc.” i see as just sophisticated homesickness. i have tasted a little of what i cannot wholly experience until then, and i am homesick. but, i am going home. soon and very soon we shall be going.

eternity’s shore: maybe when you’re on the coast, you look over and see the horizon and think - look, this is endless. it goes beyond, forever -
and that’s fitting for heaven, right? you are forever on the edge, looking to the horizon. the infinite desires of our souls will be eclipsed by the infinity of Christ. is it blasphemous to say our desires our infinite? eh, hopefully solomon has my back.

or maybe, because eternity becomes a place. it’s kind of like saying seven o clock means home. well, eternity, if it’s a place, and if i get there, means i’m home, it means rest. eternity has a shore, and im invited, and i get to rest there. i don’t think i imagine a bright shore, but a dark, beautiful evening. probably cause i think ill be sleeping (isn’t that rest?!) but completely wrong. im sinful, give me a break.

maybe it’s because eternity’s shore sounds poetic. things that sound better are often perceived to be better or truer, or that’s what joseph jordan thinks, and with whom i agree. the best things we have said are poetic. 

i got tired its late. its 334 am and i am going to sleep. 

i heard the train when i went downstairs, and it reminded me.

but i find time hard to find when im playing so hard. instead of playing basketball, today i am at home, and now - i am watching crouching tiger hidden dragon. i bet you this movie has some deep confucius type stuff that i didn’t even begin to understand before, and will now hope to barely understand. 

all i remember about this movie is about swords.

which reminds me, i remember the first asian american spoken word poet i saw. she was older, but probably in her twenties. she wasn’t pretty. but when she spoke, man, she got so attractive i didn’t know what was happening. kind of like that one time this girl started singing and i was like wow you is so pretty. anyways, back to what i was supposed to write about.

i am a little boy with little boy problems with little boy solutions. i don’t know what to do. i am lost, because the people around me are struggling a lot. how to help.

i want to read one thing before i go back to school. one thing. what will it be? i do not know. 

tumblr is tiring. writing is tiring. id rather journal if it’s going to take all this brain power. or maybe because im watching half bald chinese men fighting with swords.

okay, good night.  

**this is an edit because of annie shin. the pretty girl i am talking about is not sharon kim. im thinking of summer magic (summer going into freshman year of high school). the girl was 2 years older than i was. she was singing wicked —> and i clearly remember her “loathing unadulterated loathing….” 

i still love annie shin, my congresswoman! 

slept 12 hours before my 8 am final, got thoroughly roughed in the rough, thinking about taking a fat nap before my 7 pm final, and i want to study for next semester. 

the title says it all. i heard if you aren’t excited periodically there is something tilted within you. my source is myself. just kidding sorry don’t get mad i just wanted to say i’m happy i get excited periodically. excitement. 

I came home early to sleep earlier. but wanted to do essay. so now im up but im finished so sleep after this. this paragraph is for me —aka “you” is me. im talking to myself.

i remember when talking online was really really fun. now you talk like you text. which basically means ur an idiot. sometimes, i get scared that ive talked to myself so many times ive lost the art of talking to people like a normal human being would. i eat so many meals by myself in public — am i going to become an awkward, cant hold a conversation but would love to hear your story guy? possibly. how did i ever talk to multiple people at a time(online, of course). 

ive done this two or three times this week. i see a facebook post: it’s a Christian, spiritual cool holy quote/post. i want to point out at least 4 logical reasons why 1. the quote makes no sense, 2. quote may be anti-biblical so anti-Jesus, and therefore show why 3. means little to nothing without additional context… a lot of it.

and then, i write it out… and control+a, delete. why? because i’m kind of scared that i’ll get in trouble. i think going against the grain is a good thing when nobody else is. “it is the mark of an educated man to be able to entertain a thought without believing it” -that quote doesn’t quite fit the situation: being stuck in a certain mode of thinking is no fun. so i go against the grain, and the people going with it are the white to my black. teamwork. except, shunned?  

well its late, so ill stop my rambling here. should have slept an hour ago…

dlchen:

Dear People Who Told Me Taking Out Tonsils Isn’t That Big a Deal,
I talked to the tonsil doctor today. He rated the pain of getting tonsils removed an 8/10. Kidney stones? 9/10. Childbirth? 8 or 9/10.

Sincerely,

Passive-aggressive Daniel 

well that’s not fair. ask a woman who just went through labor she’d probably put tonsils removed 5/10, kidney stones 8/10, childbirth death.